Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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