this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize