Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
