I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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