i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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