no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
