we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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