Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
