This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
