So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
