Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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