I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
