Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
