I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
