No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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