Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
