We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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