she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
