so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
