Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
