Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize