My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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