And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
