apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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