69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
