Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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