the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
