john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
