What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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