I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
