mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
