As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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