I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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