i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
