If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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