new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
