Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
