apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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