you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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