Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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