Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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