Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize