so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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