I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my liver is dry heaving
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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