he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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