he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
