i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
