What a fucking waste of an outfit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
