we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
