I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
