So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
