Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
that may or may not have been my penis.
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