god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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