I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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