Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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