Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
