We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
