is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
