I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
