i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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