my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
