I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
