I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
