I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
