I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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