I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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